Choc-Blueberry Smoothie (Raw, Vegan, Doesn’t Taste Like Feet)

Do you like chocolate/things that don’t taste healthy but are/desserts that can double as breakfast foods? (I know what you’re thinking – all desserts can double as breakfast foods. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.) You should give this smoothie a try!

This isn’t the usual kind of thing I post, but I figured that since I’m super obsessed with food (I was briefly studying nutrition before I abandoned that degree in order to work part-time in retail and try to make it as an author), I might as well.

I first made this yesterday, and I’ve had it twice more since then. It’s just ridiculously delicious, and I usually don’t really like blueberries. I think they taste a little like feet, but the cacao seems to take the edge off. Plus it has antioxidants in it or something. Apparently they’re good for you. (Hey, I gave up the nutrition degree very early, OK? You would too if you’d seen a $500 textbook on your reading list.)


  • small handful cashews, soaked in water for a couple of hours
  • half cup frozen grapes
  • half cup frozen blueberries.
  • T cacao powder (or cocoa if you’re not a pretentious wanker like me)
  • T coconut sugar/agave syrup or a couple of drops of stevia
  • 1.5+ cups water (until it’s a nice consistency)


  • If you’re always forgetting to soak your nuts – aren’t we all? – you can toss them in dry, but it’s probably not going to be as creamy. Plus your blender is going to sound like you threw in a handful of bolts for a bit. Don’t panic. It’ll probably be OK. Maybe double check the blender’s still under warranty.
  • I just buy the cheap home-brand blueberries. I know there was a scare with people getting Hep A from them a while back, but I’ve read up on the symptoms and I’m willing to take the risk in the name of cheap berries.

Put in a blender. Blend. Serve topped with dried coconut and cacao nibs because that’s the kind of person you think you are. Try not to think about the faecal-oral route of Hepatitis A transmission. Enjoy.

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